Very tense ang lola niyo tonight. Oli confessed that, two days ago, while I went to powder my nose (charing), he saw that Merlot tried to chat with me through my gmail account and he got upset.
Kasi ganito yun. Earlier this year, Merlot and I had a bit of a fling. No sex involved, pero may attraction ng konti. And then one night, may I invite ang lola niyo and lo and behold, nakita ko ang kanyang ano. Fondle ng konti but wis ang akshen. Ang tanga ko - I wrote it sa luma kong blog (hindi iri) pero it was in may-I-tago mode. One day, hiniram ni Oli ang aking laptop tapos yun... buking ang lola niyo. May I away kami pero kiss and make up ng di oras.
Ngayon, ayun. Tampo siya. No wonder hindi kami nagjujugjug. Kating kati na nga ang lola niyo pero wala pa rin. At least now I know why wah sya sa mood.
(serious na raw)
Kanina, while we were having dinner, it took so much of my self-control not to cry. As in, honest. Sana naman, kung magagalit siya, yun bang may tamang dahilan. Sana naman may valid reason. Halimbawa, nakita niya yung blog na ito. *OR* may nagsabi sa kanya na may himalang nangyari between me and David. Sana naman di ba.
Pero ito, hindi eh. Talagang super tampong kulangot. I think the reason why I wanted to cry is that there is NOTHING I can do to redeem that trust with Oli. Hindi ko sinasabing walang siyang dahilan. The mere fact that may blog ako na ganito di ba??? Parang HELLOOOO. Pero it was the sense of helplessness as well that really ticked me off.
So after he told me, he was ok na (ready for action), pero ako naman, sorry. Wah na the mood. I think the scary part is that part of me will want to use this as an excuse para alam niyo na ladies and gentlemen. So far, good ghurl (relative noh!) akish, pero kung ganyan lang naman pala... Well...
Alam niyo. Hindi ako magsisinungaling. I am not a good person. I am not the worst person in the world, but I'm not the nicest one either. But I like to think I am redeemable in some form - and that's why I love Oli. He is the symbol of things that could be, a future where I too can be pretty.
Tama na. May trabaho pa bukas. Tapos labada pa.