Tuesday, 27 November 2007

Short Stock: A confessional epistle ten years in the making

I don’t remember your name. I wish I did. I spent the entire bus ride, trying to place the letters to match the name, but somehow, it eludes me. And I feel saddened by that. It’s as if you have never existed at all, all those nights spent in bed, those days spent talking.

But I do remember the first time I saw you. You were in the hot pool of The Spa, your dark fingers playing with the bubbling water and your eyes following the steam crawling upwards to the ceiling. Your dark skin was such a beautiful contrast to the white backdrop of the pool and through the haze, I could almost see the outline of your body and the endless curly wisps of hair that clung on to your beautiful chest and your wide arms.

You looked at me with those eyes, those dark infinite pools, and you smiled. At me. And I was blinded by it, my mouth hazily smiling back at you. Your body lingered a few seconds in the pool, and then you decided to join me. Oh how I enjoyed drinking the sight of you, with every drop of that pool clung to your dark skin. It’s as though every bubble was singing a chorus “Stay with us! Stay with us!” But no, you chose me. The shape of your body was intoxicating, and by the time your ass lifted itself out of the water, I had already melted in my ecstasy.

You joined me in the wading pool, and introduced yourself. Oh, if only I could remember your name. We spent some time talking and chatting about life and work and everything under the sun. When you said that you were a doctor, I could hardly believe my ears. I mean, how could those arms ever be gentle and caring in their mass? But as I learned much later on, those arms were capable of so much gentleness.

We started to carelessly discover each other’s bodies underneath the water’s surface. Your hand crept to my hardening member and gave it a gentle squeeze. My hands found your legs (so well defined) and crept up to your ass. They were so firm and round, every muscle and every hair placed exactly where they should be. Your dick was amazing, especially for someone of such short stature. It too was rock hard, and from the shape of it, I could tell I was in for a ride. It was hilariously thick, and much later on, when I engulfed your member, it was sweetly gratifying to feel it rub against the back of my throat.

For someone so small, you carry a big stick.

When I ate your ass, I was in heaven. I love hairy men and you epitomise beauty in so many ways. I wish I could still finger you now, to have you moaning in my fingertips.

I don’t know where you are now. I have so many questions to ask. How are you? Did you like my collection of Armistead Maupin books? Who are you seeing now?

So many questions. I don’t even have your number anymore. Damn it.

Sunday, 25 November 2007

Rick: Another Japakiki story

My bed-ridden cousin needs a little help this week as my aunt needed to take care of business in the city during the day. So I spend some time on the countrylink trains – I personally don’t mind. It’s a way of zoning out and just thinking about life. I hope this explains the whole reminiscing. :-)

So the next guy on my reminiscing list is Rick. Rick is such a catch. Coming from a not-so well-to-do family, he has a hunger to succeed that is also latched on to his morals and principles. He is highly pious but still grounded on the reality that he is gay. So in short, he seems to have most of his facilities intact.

I met him when Lola Eddie (hi Lola Ed!) invited me to a sleep over in Shangri-La. No, it wasn’t a threesome that you’d expect, but it was just three men sleeping on a very big bed. Pero syempre before the sleeping, may kwentuhan muna. Aba! Very charming ang Ricky! He was kinda short (around 5’5”), but he had silky skin, a disarming smile, a genuine sense of humour and wit to match. He was sooooo adorable – parang Ding Dong Avanzado ang dating, well, at least when Ding Dong was still DingDongable.

Anyway, while Lola Eddie slept, my hand slowly crept up to Rick’s, at ABA! Kumagat ang lokah! He held my hand and soon enough, (alam mo naman ako) my hand was holding something else.

His dick was nice. Not too short, not too long. Inside my mouth, it felt nice and (as I discovered a few days later) inside my ass, it felt even better. What I liked about his dick was that it was clean. It was smooth as, had naturally sparse hair and had a curve that was designed to tickle. I enjoyed being fucked by him immensely and had he given me a chance, I would have loooved trying to fuck him. Yes, I am a bottom by heart, but still, the chance would have been memorable.

His ass was nice as well. It was naturally bubbly (yes, palaban) and licking his ass was just heavenly. It was clean and well-kept, naturally sparse hair as well. I was in rimming heaven, honest!

In bed, he was mind-blowing. Obviously, when we were with Lola Eddie in Shangri-La, hanggang patagong vlough jhab lang kami, but in the privacy of my flat, he was astonishing. He knew how to lick, shoot and suck – parang tequila, but more intoxicating! I still remember the whites of his eyes as I rimmed his ass for hours on end, and his cum (I swear) tasted sweeter than normal.

All this sadly ended when he was sent off to Japan (ano ba yan!?) by his company. Like Paolo (see previous entry), he was fluent in Japanese and could converse with the locals with gusto, as any Harajuku girl could. However, unlike Paolo, he kept in touch even if it is to pass on syrupy chain emails. He sends me personalised SMSes once in a while and asks me how I am doing. He cares for me, but I’m sure only as a friend.

Like Paolo, he married a Jap chick to stay in Japan for good (Pinoy talagaaaa!), but I don’t think his ship is bound to sink anytime soon. Rick is a decent fellow and would make anyone happy, regardless of gender. Before Oli, there were nights when I stayed up, wondering what would happened if things turned out differently. Of course, now the course is set, for both of us. I do wish him all the best, and I am happy that he, albeit for a short time, “ricked” my world.

Shet, ang baduy. Fifol, wag niyo akong samfalin…

Paolo: Ang kamandag ng Drama King

The past few entries have triggered a FLOOD of memories of affairs past, some crazy, some unbelievable, all true.

I once had a fling with a guy who looked so much like Paolo Montalban (thus, his name will be Paolo from hereon in). I swear he could have been his twin. Paolo (mine, that is, not the real one) was tall (6’1” if memory serves me), moreno (coffee mixed with a dollop of cream) and fucking handsome as. When I met him at Rex’s party (hi, Lola Rex, wherever you are), I was immediately infatuated (read: libog).

Seriously, who wouldn’t?

ANYway, turns out that we had a common ex (hi, Martin. Wherever you are, screw you), and we spent the night delightfully bitching about him. Of course, I had little to bitch because (hehe) truth be told, we had a one-night stand and a few phone conversations after that (yes, in that order), but he was never a serious dip in my book. For me, his name on my date book is like achuete – it’s there, but no one really bothers to look at it and it’s NEVER taken seriously.

(Hindi rin bitter, folks. Honest!)

ANYway, Paolo and I spent more time with each other. He spent more nights over at my place and it was sweet, in a way. He let me enter him (virgin daw siya oh!) but it didn’t take. I think I was too thick to begin with, and yeah, maybe he was a virgin. IN fairness though, he was well hung – easily 7 inches and fairly thick himself. Buti na lang talagang umubra ang Ms. Talent 2004! Lagok, taas, baba, lahat kinaya! He was awesome in bed and we would fuck relentlessly until the wee hours of the morning. It’s a good thing that my job allowed me the luxury of waking up whenever.

We spent a lot of time together. Our favourite haunt was Elephant Bar or whatever name it has now. It's on 6750 and has a reputation for a mixed crowd. Whenever I see society pages talk about a certain actor (with initials P.M.) flirting with a guy in that bar, I would giggle uncontrollably as I knew this was the closest I could ever get to being in the society pages. :-)

But one night, he admitted to me that he was still fucking around. Now, believe it or not, I didn’t mind it. Care ko – honest! I mean, I wanted to fuck around myself but with him and my two part-time jobs, I really didn’t have the time. What irked me was the fact that he was sleeping around in order to get modelling jobs. He was fucking certain fashion designers and participating in their orgies in order to get ramp gigs. He would elaborate how he would fuck guy after guy, sometimes three at a time for a total of a dozen men in a night. He would suck dicks, big and small, and have every crevice in his body licked and touched and idolised – but not fucked. Daw. Anyway, the end result of this was me, in dignified shock, but still attentive and caring – as any Ms. Universe contestant would do, of course.

But by the end of the night, the veil was lifted, and I realised: he was a whore.

I mean, there is nothing wrong about that, in a sense. Let’s face it: I consider myself a whore of sorts. But I never really had sex in order to advance in life, and just because I don’t doesn’t mean that every guy in the world has that luxury.

That is I realised what I had become in his life. His driver, a source of free food, free sex, accommodation at times, free beer at bars and more importantly, a shoulder to cry on when memories of his ex came rushing back. Yes, folks, madrasta ang role ko. He was still hung up over Martin – and to be honest, I seriously don’t know why. Martin was sooooo NOT a catch.

ANYway, after a while, I kinda sensed that this was not what I wanted in life, and so I let him go. Slowly at first, para hindi niya mahalata and then deus ex machina! He was sent to Japang to work as whatever chuva. So yun. That tragic love story ended. Last I heard, he was married to some Japanese woman in order for him to stay in the country for good.

A few months ago, he SMSed me in Australia – he got my number from my last email to him which (damn email signatures!) had my contact details, and he asked me quite bluntly if I could sponsor him to live in Australia. He was having marital problems and he missed my company daw.

HELL-ER! Ano ako? Tanga?

I honestly said that I didn’t have the power to do that, as, at that time, I still didn’t have permanent residence in Australia. After that, aba. Dedma. He never bothered to know what’s going on in my life, and I did not care to know what was on with his.

Ok lang. Achuete – it demands your attention but at the end of the day, you don’t touch it and some dog eats it instead.

NEXT IN THE SERIES: Japan Series 2: The one that got away

Thursday, 22 November 2007


It was 1993. His name was Anton, a former national team swimmer and a second year university student representative. He was very popular amongst his peers and with reason - he was tall, hot, built, and fucking handsome as. He was the kind of guy who would be perfect to show off to mommy. He was smart and well mannered - just the all around nice guy.

But I knew there was something about him, something that was off-center.

One night, we decided to have a drinking session in his house. We were all from the student council at our university and as with most hormonal teenagers, decided that drinking the night away with council money was the best way of capping an eventful year.

As night drew to daybreak, we all retreated to his room. Yup, 10 teenagers cramped into this one room. I shared the bed with him, because it was the only way the shorter guys could fit on the floor (Anton and I were the tallest ones in the group). Somewhere during the night, I found my hand on his member and his hand was on mine. I jacked him off slowly and slid off his clothes so that there was nothing in our way. At one point, he sucked my dick discretely and I was in heaven.

Then I did something stupid: I asked "Why is your dick so small?"

Wow. The minute I said it, I knew I was stupid and arrogant. It's amazing how the brain sometimes does something and the other sensible part of me just sits up with a matching scream: "Whoa! HELLO! What the fuck did you say? HA??? HAAAA?????"

I tried to apologise but the mere fact we had people around us made conversations difficult. Breakfast saw us fully clothed, awkward and cold as a corpse dressed as Carmen Miranda. In the next few years, whenever we saw each other, he was quite distant and such. I tried so much to apologise in one form or another, but every move I made seemed too awkward to be seen as honest.

So what is this entry for? An apology, written on the net for everyone to see, indelible and permanent.

To Snots, I am sorry. I was a dick.

Wednesday, 21 November 2007


Very tense ang lola niyo tonight. Oli confessed that, two days ago, while I went to powder my nose (charing), he saw that Merlot tried to chat with me through my gmail account and he got upset.

Kasi ganito yun. Earlier this year, Merlot and I had a bit of a fling. No sex involved, pero may attraction ng konti. And then one night, may I invite ang lola niyo and lo and behold, nakita ko ang kanyang ano. Fondle ng konti but wis ang akshen. Ang tanga ko - I wrote it sa luma kong blog (hindi iri) pero it was in may-I-tago mode. One day, hiniram ni Oli ang aking laptop tapos yun... buking ang lola niyo. May I away kami pero kiss and make up ng di oras.

Ngayon, ayun. Tampo siya. No wonder hindi kami nagjujugjug. Kating kati na nga ang lola niyo pero wala pa rin. At least now I know why wah sya sa mood.

(serious na raw)

Kanina, while we were having dinner, it took so much of my self-control not to cry. As in, honest. Sana naman, kung magagalit siya, yun bang may tamang dahilan. Sana naman may valid reason. Halimbawa, nakita niya yung blog na ito. *OR* may nagsabi sa kanya na may himalang nangyari between me and David. Sana naman di ba.

Pero ito, hindi eh. Talagang super tampong kulangot. I think the reason why I wanted to cry is that there is NOTHING I can do to redeem that trust with Oli. Hindi ko sinasabing walang siyang dahilan. The mere fact that may blog ako na ganito di ba??? Parang HELLOOOO. Pero it was the sense of helplessness as well that really ticked me off.

So after he told me, he was ok na (ready for action), pero ako naman, sorry. Wah na the mood. I think the scary part is that part of me will want to use this as an excuse para alam niyo na ladies and gentlemen. So far, good ghurl (relative noh!) akish, pero kung ganyan lang naman pala... Well...

Alam niyo. Hindi ako magsisinungaling. I am not a good person. I am not the worst person in the world, but I'm not the nicest one either. But I like to think I am redeemable in some form - and that's why I love Oli. He is the symbol of things that could be, a future where I too can be pretty.

Tama na. May trabaho pa bukas. Tapos labada pa.

Sunday, 18 November 2007


Because nothing much has been happening in my life, I hope you don't mind if I woolgather for a moment.


I love beer. I don't know why. It's fattening, had a horrid aftertaste and yet, appealing in the sense that it's a macho drink. I used to go out with someone who described himself as a peddler for San Miguel. I thought it was such a blokey thing as well - to date someone who sells San Miguel beer for a living. He was buff as well - definitely a looker. He introduced me to his workmates as his cousin, and during gigs which were sponsored by SMB, I would tag along, under the premise of "his photographer".

In retrospect I don't think we would have lasted. The sex was ok and all - he was a novice at it, as I was his first (or so he would have me believe). We fucked all night but he had the romantic inclination of a moss-covered stone (and we're not talking about Kate here). Still the body was there. He had the chiseled body plus the abs to boot, and his dick was quite alright. Yummy, even. Long enough to provide pleasure and thick enough to stimulate something, but it didn't hurt much and I am happy to note that it was not one of those dicks that wanted to touch my tonsils the long way. He had such a milky complexion - one could assume he was of the rich and famous as far as complexions go. His skin was flawless and his ass was to die for, so bubbly. Rimming him was a pleasure in itself. His ass I could eat all night and still be hungry for more the next day. I loved fingering him as well, and being the gym buff that he is, he could take the pain, and even said it was quite alright. I was never a good top, and I didn't bother topping him, but maybe I should have. I dunno.

I saw him again the last time I was in the Philippines. Apparently, he joined the Mr. Slimmer's World contest or something like that. I don't think he won. He was chiseled but not buff. So yeah. Sayang. I don't know where he is now. Last I checked friendster, he was with someone, but a few weeks ago, medyo nagparandam siya. Ako naman - deadma. Mabuti na yun. Better than making him think I could ever go back to him.

He has the looks. He can find someone else for sure. I guess one problem I had with him is that he was too seloso. One gig, we went to some music gig and I was his "photographer". I had to make sure I had enough good photos for his report, so may I click forever ako with my digital camera. One shot I took was with the San Miguel beer in the foreground, and the drummer of one of the bands playing in the background. You can barely recognise the drummer as he was blurred on purpose.

Aba. Akala niya I found the drummer cute. Nagtampo ang bakla!!! (In the words of McVie, HELLER!)

Anyway, enough rambling. Time to go back to work. :-)

Sunday, 11 November 2007


Medyo stable na naman ang relationship namin ni david at ok naman kami ni oli so far. Workout to death pa rin kami ni david at kahapon medyo tinamaan kami ng topak ni oli so we decided to do it sa harapan ng TV namin. Yes, ladies and gentlemhin, in full view of the neighborhood. Buti na lang at walang nagreklamo pero tangina talaga ang aerobics namin. feeling ko talaga ako si Olivia Newton-John (o di ba, dated na dated ang mga references!!!). Super let's get physical!!!

Anyway, nothing exciting to take note of really. Super boring ang life ko this week (maybe next week maganda!) I have been working etzetera etzetera - but I have been preoccupying myself with post secret (http://postsecret.blogspot.com/). Super ganda the concept of the website. People from all over the world send anonymous postcards with their secrets written or drawn on the back. I have sent two already - and if you spot them in the course of the next month, may special prize kayo (HONEST!).

O sige. Good luck sa mga contestants!

(feeling host talaga ng Ms. Universe)