Hindi na ako natuto. Gathered the courage to SMS David. I asked him what the conditions of his regular gym were like, and if the cardio/lower body machines were any good. My SMS actually was fairly long, and I was trying to "justify" my SMS by being all macho and such. His reply was relatively short, stating that he was going to work out this weekend and he can check it out for me. I'm not sure if that was a hint for me to work out this weekend with him, but I opt not to. I have too much to do this weekend anyway.
I did message him that I was going to be in his vicinity this Wednesday and he said he might meet me there. I'm not sure how that will turn out. I'm sure it won't lead to anything, but I will be lying if I said I wasn't tempted to start something.
This is really shitting too close to home. I kinda ask myself why I am doing this, and I only realised this morning that it's probably because I feel Oli is taking me for granted. There are so many things I do for him, and it's starting to get to me, I think. I really don't want to be considered anyone's domestic help - but then again, that is a trap I think I laid for myself. I fear sometimes that my eagerness to please Oli is taking its toll on my ego. Having dips on the side - even the thought that someone might actually find my beached-whale body attractive - is boosting what little self-esteem I have left.
Funny how I try to defend myself as being not shallow and self-obsessed. With this entry, I think I have just debunked my own statements. How typical...