Saturday, 16 June 2007

Rules of the Loo

A friend of mine asked what the rules were in LooSex (also known as Toilet Sex to some, Dirty John Jonesing to others).

Well, to be honest, there aren't a lot. You see, the strange thing about Jonesing is that the rules change depending on where it is happening. Let's talk about the university where I go to.

Now, there are five toilets but there's a glory hole only between stall 4 & 5. There is an 8-inch gap between the wall and the floor - just enough for you to see the shoes and perhaps jack off someone who is kneeling down. Uncomfortable, yes - but definitely doable.

Anyway, the way I see it, the rules for toilet sex are as follows:

1. Know your limits. If the other person doesn't like you, get the hint and don't push your luck. A person cannot be THE ONE for everybody (unless you happen to be Brad Pitt or Matthew Rush!).

2. Sign. I mean learn to communicate by signs. Sometimes, you are not alone - believe it or not, some people are there just to poo or pee. You have to respect that. So if someone is there who is not of the adventurous kind, don't push your luck. Getting caught by the police is so George Michael, it's not funny. Let's learn from his lessons, shall we?

3. It's not all about you. Now believe it or not, there are some guys out there who don't mind just showing their wares. They don't want to fondle or anything. They just want someone to look at them. Now that's fine - you can watch all you want. You can bring in some popcorn, if you want - just use the butter for something else.

However, having said that, if they want to see what you have, be gracious enough to show them something. It doesn't matter if you aren't horse hung. Not everyone is. But for fuck's sake, if you are just going to look and then pretend to be disinterested and such, go to another stall. Don't go to a toilet with the ONLY glory hole around, have a 2-second peek, and then sit and stare at your shoes. There is one fuckwit who is EXACTLY like that, and I always have the shits with him. He does it to everyone and when I see his shoes under the wall, I just don't bother anymore. I really don't.

4. Give some space. There are times when two people decide to be adventurous in a stall. That's fine. They are two consenting adults, so give them their space. However, unless they give you signals that it's ok with them, don't look over the wall or something. If they want their space, you just have to be respectful enough to give it to them. You may get your chance one day and you wouldn't want someone there either.

5. Rejection? Noooo. Yes. There will be times when you can get rejected. Toilet sex involves very clear criteria for some. Some people don't want older guys. Some people don't want chubby guys. Some people don't like fugs. Some people don't like Asians. Some people don't like men of colour. The criteria really differs from person to person, so if you get rejected for whatever reason, don't take it personal. That's just life.

6. Repeat Performances. Now, given that the Loo Community is such a small one, expect that sooner or later, you will find yourself facing a penis from the past. Now, this one is a bit tricky. Some people demand fresh blood (or cum, as the case may be). Some people have no problems with it. It really depends on what you are looking for. If you see an old Joe in the next stall, gauge whether you want to continue because if you don't, prepare for a graceful exit. It's obvious this is your issue so you have to deal with it in your own space.

And that space isn't the toilet.

So, Ivan, I hope this clarifies things.

No comments: